New Years resolutions. Unless they are going to increase the percentage of fun bits in your life, don’t waste your time.
The only dutiful (and ridiculous) resolutions I’ve ever made have been promptly ignored by January 3rd. Here are a few old favourites.
“I’ll only eat fruit and veg for the whole of January”
“I’ll give up coffee and replace it with green tea”
“I’ll start the 5:2 diet come January 2nd” (January 1st is not possible as it usually involves lazing around watching films and trying to ease my aching head with yummy treats)
“I’ll only look at my iPhone when the kids are in bed”
“I’ll cut my food bill down by at least 25%”
“I’ll limit my (almost daily) coffee shop visits to once a week to save money”
“I’ll take healthy snacks with me wherever I go to avoid panic buying pain au chocolat when nearing the state of “hanger”.
Blah blah blah blah. Bleugh
Instead my New Years resolutions this year are going to be much more enjoyable. In 2016 I resolve to spend my spare time doing the following:
1. Read all the great books I’ve had for ages instead of watching endless hours of Netflix every evening because I’m too tired to say “I can’t be arsed to watch this. I just want to be in bed with my great books”
2. Create a mini at-home spa; light candles in the bathroom, burn lavender oil, do foot scrubs, leg shaves, body scrubs etc for the first time since we have had children (my eldest is now 5). Removal of excess hair and skin will also aid weight loss, so some would say a more traditional resolution. Every week.
3. Have lots of sex. Number 2 should help with this one. (Sorry if you’re reading this Dad. But as I have 2 children I think you may have guessed I’ve been up to something).
4. Sew/knit/crochet all the cushions, quilts, blankets and doorstops I have had the materials for since 2009.
5. Bake pies and eat them.
4. Think of more great things I want to do and stop pissing about and actually do them.
I’m loving my new forty-something attitude.
Happy New Year everyone. May you spend your spare time doing stuff you love. And if that’s eating cake, so be it.