This week I’ve had absolutely nothing to write about. So I didn’t.
The reason for this I believe, is that I have been putting off speaking to my doctor about an unusual and slightly worrying symptom, and it has suffocated all my ideas. They’ve been squished down by my weird fear of calling the doctors.
So this morning I took the plunge and made the call.
“No, I don’t think it’s urgent, tomorrow would be fine”. Even though I knew that I shouldn’t wait any longer.
I casually mentioned it to my husband too, but with an “I’m probably being over cautious” tone, in spite of the fact that my head was spinning with horrible illnesses about which I only have tit bits of information. (I am not one to self diagnose on the internet. I never look at internet medical sites for myself. That’s just asking for more knowledge which I simply don’t want. Hence the tit bits).
Luckily the doctor ignored me and decided that it was best to sort it out today. Clever doctor. And after going into great detail about my scary symptom, he was very confident that there is nothing to worry about and gave me a very reasonable explanation as to why I had it.
The symptom has pretty much disappeared since that conversation and I went on to have a much more enjoyable, relaxing day without worrying.
And then I realised. There it is; my own personal source of anxiety.
Ridiculous or not, I’m definitely scared of the following:
A) Doctors, dentists, receptionists, health visitors, nurses, hospitals, hospital appointments, hospital letters, letters that look like hospital letters, MRI scans, blood tests, smear tests, 12 week scans, 20 week scans, 28 week scans, scan appointment letters, caesarian sections, appointments to talk about Caesarian sections, midwives, consultants, trainee doctors…
…basically anyone or anything with reliable medical knowledge. (I do not include my googling husband in this group)
B) I am also nervous of my ringing phone when I don’t recognise the number in case it’s any of the above calling to tell me I have something even worse than MS.
I sound like a right weirdo.
I bet I’m not the only one.