Happy Valentines Day…

Some days just go really well don’t they.

Life seems easier and everything flows beautifully. It rains but you manage to get parked right by the entrance of wherever you are going. You have to go shopping for gifts and actually spend time choosing rather than throwing random things in the trolley. And you have your 4 and 7 year old with you. But on these days they are so well behaved that you feel like you’ve finally cracked the code. (It’s bribery in case anyone is still wondering).

Then you go for your monthly blood tests at the hospital. No waiting around. Kids are happy and calm. You nervously ask if they have received your latest MRI results yet, not really knowing whether you want to hear what they have to say at this very time, but it’s too late. She’s checking.

You get told that the treatment you went through (Lemtrada/Alemtuzumab) was worth every drop of worry and difficulty. Your most recent MRI shows no change, which doesn’t sound that exciting, but for someone with relapsing-remitting MS, it really is. No change means no current disease activity which means no further damage going on without you knowing about it.

Phew. Phew. And a bit more phew.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.

If your Valentine’s hasn’t been so positive, you’re due an easy one soon. I promise.

Lynne x

 

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Weirdo

This week I’ve had absolutely nothing to write about. So I didn’t.

The reason for this I believe, is that I have been putting off speaking to my doctor about an unusual and slightly worrying symptom, and it has suffocated all my ideas. They’ve been squished down by my weird fear of calling the doctors.

So this morning I took the plunge and made the call.

“No, I don’t think it’s urgent, tomorrow would be fine”. Even though I knew that I shouldn’t wait any longer.

I casually mentioned it to my husband too,  but with an “I’m probably being over cautious” tone, in spite of the fact that my head was spinning with horrible illnesses about which I only have tit bits of information. (I am not one to self diagnose on the internet. I never look at internet medical sites for myself. That’s just asking for more knowledge which I simply don’t want. Hence the tit bits).

Luckily the doctor ignored me and decided that it was best to sort it out today. Clever doctor. And after going into great detail about my scary symptom, he was very confident that there is nothing to worry about and gave me a very reasonable explanation as to why I had it.

The symptom has pretty much disappeared since that conversation and I went on to have a much more enjoyable, relaxing day without worrying.

And then I realised. There it is; my own personal source of anxiety.

Ridiculous or not, I’m definitely scared of the following:

A) Doctors, dentists, receptionists, health visitors, nurses, hospitals, hospital appointments, hospital letters, letters that look like hospital letters, MRI scans, blood tests, smear tests, 12 week scans, 20 week scans, 28 week scans, scan appointment letters, caesarian sections, appointments to talk about Caesarian sections, midwives, consultants, trainee doctors…

…basically anyone or anything with reliable medical knowledge. (I do not include my googling husband in this group)

B) I am also nervous of my ringing phone when I don’t recognise the number in case it’s any of the above calling to tell me I have something even worse than MS.

I sound like a right weirdo.

I bet I’m not the only one.